08-09-2012
It has been a while since I last posted. My computer died and well just not got round to it. Mom had a court hearing which she hoped to regain custody of her children. I had an altercation in the hallway with her idiot sister. Sister told her that I said I blamed her for the death of my son. I did no such thing. I said my son would be still alive had he not got involved with her. Mom told her lawyer I said it to her. Note to self. Record all conversations with mom and her family.
Anyway after arguing with the judge, caseworker her lawyer was shot down. The judge more or less said BULLSHIT. and reassigned the case to a month away.

06.31.2013 -- I was able to pull the last message from my son from my telephone provider. I have it on my desktop and listen to it daily, just to hear his voice one last time. Two days before he died he and his wife came by here, they weren't suppose to, there is a protected order on the baby. He was in a rage, obvious messed up on drugs. I told him he wasn't suppose to be here. He dared me to call the cops. I decided, when he left I was done with him. The next day was his bride's birthday and I had told him I would go to dinner with them. I avoided the calls all day. Never answering. In his last message he is messed up. Starts off going to wish me a happy birthday. In the call he said 5 times he loved me.

07.08.2013 -- Last Monday was my 60th birthday. The first one to miss with my son in 34 years. His absense was felt.
After I did some research on Xanax I started trying to find out About Oxycontin. The drug that killed him. Again he kept it well hidden from me. Oxycodine, Perocet, Hydrocodene, they are all the same as Heroin. It takes about two weeks of taking this crap before your body starts to crave it. Two weeks and that is all you think of. You don't care about paying your bills. You don't care about your family, in fact you avoid them. Least that they may discover your nasty little secret and take away your lover. You never can get her to let go of her grip. She has got you.

06.30.2013 -- I have been thinking about this a while. When the caseworker came by a few days ago to do her monthly visit she told me that the mother had not bonded with the child. Oh really, I thought what mother doesn't bond with a newborn in just a few days. I certainly have bonded with her. So at this point I am thinking of seeing if I can get full custody of my precious almost 8 month old granddaughter. I will start on Monday to see what I can do.

06.26.2013 -- When my son first "hooked" up with his bride he was smitten. He would call me up saying how much in love he was. He was determined to make this relationship work. Then he started telling me he wanted to get married. I protested, you don't know each other well enough. Get engaged have at least a year engagement. No he wanted to marry, buy a house and the whole nine yards. I'd ask if they had lost their fucking minds. We know what we are doing. Within weeks of the hooking up he had bought her an engagement ring. Or at least I thought he had, they never paid for it. About a year later the jewelry store would have his wages garnished. She is still wearing the ring. I wouldn't want to look down at my finger and see a ring that was stolen. In all they waited to Feb to marry.  Then it started. Her insecurities started popping out. When he went to the closing on the house, because her credit was horrid he took me. She was so jealous and told him so. I didn't know what to say about that.
Then she stopped our once weekly luncheon dates, again jealously. Then made sure our almost daily phone calls stopped. She was slowly eating my sons soul.
Unknown to me he was getting addicted to opiates.  I would notice his slurred voice. He would tell me I was losing my hearing, or he was tired. He started not answering the phone when I called him.
One visit my husband had with them she fixed a lovely dinner. We ate and sat down to watch a movie, almost immediately the slurring began. My husband got up and left.

06.21.2013 -- I had I long conversation with the widow yesterday. She is suppose to be entering rehab today. We talked about a lot of things. What struck me the most when we were talking about my son's drug addiction was when I brought up the fact that I thought of his addiction was so bad and so long  why he had not taken my prescription for Lortabs that I had got when I was dog bit. It was in 2009 and sat on my dresser in all those years. 17 and half tablets. She said he was not a thief. Apparently she did not know her husband of 15 months very well. He was indeed a thief. I have witness quite a few times he took things. Two times he took shirts from goodwill, he took a bike and a dehumidifier from a vacant house, he stole frozen yogurt from a shop near their home. I could bet her I could find at least 20 objects that belonged  to me in their home. He always took things from me. I guess  you could call that thief. He could of asked for them and I would have probably given it to him. If he took it without my permission I would call it thief.

06.20.2013 -- I like to pretend I am all-right and when I am occupied I m Taking care of the baby, washing dishes doing any type of house work I do pretty good. I am so exhausted by nightime I almost fall asleep instantly. But in the early hours of the morning it is not like that. Thoughts of my son enter my mind. I can't get them to leave. He is always there lingering in my mind. It is at the start of a new day. Needless to say I have a hard time going back to sleep. And thus begins a new day of exhaustion.